Ooo You Make Me Live Now Honey - You're My Best Friend

The spring time is known to all as a season of growth and renewal; I believe that we, as individuals, can transform in wonderful ways with nature's rhythm.

During the winter, perhaps in honor of religious holidays and the changing year, we tend to reflect on our previous experiences. Hurts, losses, and doubts are often top of mind - a poignant reflection that can be dismissed as "winter blues". Uncried tears have a way of coallescing and freezing to the heart, haunting the soul. Spring's promise thaws these tears and, in a cleansing rain, melts away the tragedies and brings beauty to light.

My personal struggle this year has been developing a holistic idea of life. It is so easy to fall into the trap of living a checklist, or a summary of "projects". My marriage is more - so much more - than house improvements, money management, and balancing careers & calendars. Our family is so much more than a group of people that we see at special events or on vacations. I know that inside - I hold these truths close to my heart - but do I recognize it in the monotony of everyday? Do I really stop to absorb the email, analyze each photo to read the face of a loved one, marinate on what is going on in their lives and in their heads?

As with all things, some days are better than others. But in the spirit of celebrating the richness of life in full bloom...

These are not photos of vet bills or walks that need to get fit in...these are our companions and living examples of unconditional love:

This is not a bill to retrofit a chimey or a fireplace waiting to be refaced...this is time spent telling stories and loving one another:

This is not what I do in between work days....this is what makes coming home worth it:

This is not a plane ticket, rental car, or stamp in a passport....this is the love that makes my heart skip a beat and the distance that makes it ache....

this is family:

And We've Just Begun.....Think I'm Gonna Have a Son

We are pleased as punch to introduce Timothy Connor Sanders, the most recent addition to the Hogan clan. Baby and mom, Jennifer, are doing beautifully. Dad, Tim, was last seen somewhere over the moon.

Congratulations to mom, dad and all of us!

They Tried to Make Me Go to Rehab and I Said: No, No, No

Ok, not "rehab"....but the doctor. But I've had that lyric in my head forever and will (hopefully) never have occassion to use it as a pertinent blog title.

So I'm home with the flu, and it is more frustrating (if possible) as an adult. It is a beautiful day out, but when I try to sit outside I get a chill and have to wrap myself in a blanket - so I return to my living room where my fever spikes and I begin removing layers of clothing with the fervor of a guest on the Howard Stern show. It has been a perfect week for spring cleaning, and when I'm laying on the couch this sounds like a great use of time.

But then I rise, my head throbs like I was mainlining whiskey the night before, and I realize that my clothes touching my skin still hurts and I can feel my heartbeat through my eyes.....none of which are particularly good signs, according to WebMD. So I return to resting position and pout about my inability to accomplish anything. Well, that's not entirely true:
In the first two afternoons I read 300 pages, finishing "My Sister's Keeper", sobbed for over an hour, took some medicine and passed out for a nap. This is when I discovered that NyQuil and depressing family dramas are not a winning recipe for me when I'm home sick.

So today I tried answering some emails and watching "Dreamgirls". I had the reaction that I knew I'd have: I really don't get it. This is when I'm reminded that the "18-35 female" demographic kindly excludes me. The movie was fine = innocuous and a good "background" piece. I get Jennifer Hudson - just not the movie. But then, I also hate "Grey's Anatomy" and "Desparate Housewives"...I am actually irritated that Eva Longoria is someone that I recognize.

So I'm back to the computer and my Itunes; but even this is not nearly the indulgent experience it could be. Here I am: Amy Winehouse, Nina Simone and Metallica....no one else in the house. Not a soul to giggle under their breath when I don't make it ALL the way to the high note. And I can't get a syllable out without coughing....which makes me sit up....which makes my head hurt...and my clothes shift...which makes my skin hurt. So I sit here, silently, knowing I'll be a closet rockstar again in no time.

But in between all of this self pity, I've had the opportunity to just rest. It's not something I'm particularly good at, but something I desparately need. It is also in these moments of vulnerability that we see a very new face of old relationships. I've learned that no matter how old you are, when you are sick it still hurts your mom and dad, and it is ok to tell them that you miss them being with you. I remember when I was little and would get sick, my mom would always interrupt a long nap to take my temperature and make sure that I was ok. When my dad would get home from work, I would feel his cool hands on my face and, if even for a moment, it seemed like they were strong enough to take the sickness away. Over the past few days, phone calls have replaced cool hands and thermometers....but they are no less welcome.

If I thought Dominick to be a great husband before (and I did), he's earning some serious brownie points this week. He makes no announcements, there is no parading of his help; he quietly and lovingly brings medicine, lights a fire, and makes dinner. And his cool, strong hands smooth my face - but they can't yet tell when someone has a fever (this is another phenomena I think only happens once you are a parent...I still just touch people's heads and guess).

Last night I caught a chill and Dominick offered to switch places with me so that I could be on the couch nearest to the radiator. I tried to get up, but the pain in my head was too intense. He held onto my hands and told me to stay put. Then I felt a VERY hot hand on mine...then another...and so on. My husband, my love, was putting his hands on the radiator, then putting them on mine to warm them. It was such a tender moment, and one that I know I will hold onto for a long time.

Having known one another for 10 years, I sometimes make the mistake of thinking that I know my husband's depth...but he is always reaching deeper inside of himself to make life better for the people around him. Love sometimes comes to us in silent and what seem like small gestures, but if we keep still for a moment, we can feel how very profound it is.

The Past and the Present and the Future...Faith and Hope and Charity

A few weeks ago Dominick, Lisa and I had a party for our dear friends Anne-Marie and Coley who are expecting their first child. The moments that we spent together we will cherish forever - anticipating, hoping, laughing, remembering and dreaming of what the future will hold for this beautiful growing family, and for all of us who are blessed to be part of this journey with them.


Anne-Marie and I have often remarked upon what a moving and rare experience it is to have all of your loved ones gathered together in celebration. While I don't know of any physical structure large enough to contain ALL of Anne-Marie and Coley's loved ones, we were able to accomodate at least most of the RU gang.



There was lots of delicious food and smiles...



And then they filmed a JCrew ad campaign in the backyard....oops, nope, just Kroll and his girls!





And of course, time for presents!


Another Gap ad? Nope....that's Brody!



Everyone celebrating and checking out the loot



Anne-Marie is (clearly) beautiful and always has been. She is an inspiring person with contagious laughter and a smile that, like her hugs, melts your worries away. But with a child on the way, she is more breathtaking than we've ever seen her.


It was such a wonderful experience, and even more meaningful because it was so easy - everyone is so excited for this wonderful couple to grow into a family. We all pitched in to make the day a calm, joyous celebration rather than a staged "event". We were rewarded by baby Campbell's decision to let us feel him/her kick in mommy's belly! A truly magical experience.

And at the end of the day, we were left only wishing for more time...and less dishes.



Up the next morning, it was on to the family shower. The parents-to-be looked remarkably well rested and Anne-Marie was wearing some fabulous pumps that few women could teeter on without a baby bump!
There were a tremendous amount of people there, a stamp collection of sorts from all of the places, experiences and phases in this great couple's life. We all shared stories, advice and memories and it was clear that this child will be even MORE loved than his or her parents...and that is pretty hard to imagine.